A self-conscious disposition

Dearest readers,

How does one go about living without trying to prove oneself to others? I'm sure I cannot. I just don't know how not to care what others think of me. The media sure doesn't help in this quest for freedom. How can people just go outside wearing grotty, sloppy, but comfortable clothing and not give two hoots about the sideways glances and muffled giggles of passers by? I'm sure I shall never possess that art. It pains me to state that getting dressed in the morning will continue to be a stressful task.

Could someone please tell me how to go about doing my hair like this?:

I do observe other's hair and try to take a mental snapshot for later, but, to no avail. I simply cannot do it! I am convinced my hair hates me. It works for others, but as soon as I come along it starts being annoying. I would absolutely love to be able to put up my hair and be fully satisfied but this is a rare phenonmenon and usually only happens when I am alone in my bedroom, experimenting.

I am marvellously excited at present; tomorrow is my last day at school before going on holidays! Always an exciting prospect and, these holidays, I am going camping which, I am quite sure will be most exciting! And, to top it all, my dearest friend will be accomponying me; how delightful!

Well, I guess, in some respects I am no more than your average, self-conscious teen. I care about what others think enormously, despite the best efforts of my beloved family and friends to convince me that 'it matters not what is on the outside, it is the inside that counts'. Please, do not mistake me; I do not mean I disagree with this statement, to be sure it is one of the truest and most inspirational phrases of all. No, that is not the issue, my friends, I am the issue. I see beautiful people walking around, presumably, without a care in the world and I find myself wishing I could look like them and be beautiful.

Well, there I go again, being all negative. You must be feeling depressed, let me enlighten you! Shall I tell you about my future life, well, a very compacted version? Sit tight then, my dears. I plan to, when I finish school, take a year off to go travelling around Europe. This will be an exciting and inspirational tour I am sure and I am vastly looking forward to it. I shall then return to Australia and do a course on teaching for either Primary School or, ideally, Early Childhood. Another option is journalism as I do love to write and I would love to be a writer for a lifestyle magazine and write a monthly article on weddings or something similar. I shall then go on to be a teacher/journalist in the rolling countryside of England in a small town, living in a cottage. By that time, I will hopefully have found myself a loving husband to share my ambitions with. I will go on to have three children, two girls and a boy. The first would be a girl named Charlotte Mary, the second girl would be named Violetta Anne Rose and the boy would be named Edward Benjamin.

Of course, all of that will probably never happen but I do so love to dream that it will. I have also planned my entire wedding but I shall save that for another day or we shall be here 'till Christmas.

That, dearest ones, is where I shall leave you for now. Until next time then.

Yours devotedly,
Miss Aalyn xx